Fear/Break Loose/

It’s Memorial Day weekend and that means I have a three day weekend from work!! What I love about blogging is that I can be totally expressive and speak about issues that’s on my heart. Of course, I slacked a little bit with my short stories but I’m returning back to it soon…(still have to finish my last story: Parris’s Hope for this blog). Well enough of the celebration and chit chat, let’s get to the topic.

This morning, I was reflecting on relationships. I have been single for almost five years now and still desire to be married one day. Honestly, I am content but at the same time itching to be a “Mrs.” LOL. Do I have my challenges when it becomes to being single? Yes but I feel that singleness should not be viewed as punishment though. Before I got saved, I didn’t put much thought into dating but just settled. If he looks good, halfway go to church or at least thinking about it, and have a job, then I’m good but that was a recipe for disaster. Being with a man just to say that you are in a relationship reveals how you truly feel about yourself. If you do not feel like you are worth the wait, then you will be prone to just date anyone. So I want to share a few thoughts about this subject and feel free to comment your thoughts as well :). Let’s talk.

I’m not dead because I am single. My last relationship was very intimate in the sense that I spent a lot of time in the bedroom. When I gave my life to God, I had to cut ties with that guy and been celibate every since. Now that doesn’t mean that the lustful feelings disappeared altogether. For me, it seems to be a daily fight when it comes to lust. Erasing the sexual memories, setting boundaries between my ex and I, and refraining from certain movies and shows are some of the choices I have to make in order to keep myself until marriage.  It can be tempting to go after someone just to have someone to hold you at night and satisfy some sexual desires. On the other side of that, you sold yourself short by denying God’s promise for one night. A night that doesn’t guarantee you marriage or a life worth living for. You cannot be ignorant to your weaknesses so don’t put yourself in a snare to dishonor your body and most importantly, God. I like to think to myself that I do not want to disrespect my future husband in any way by reminiscing on what I use to do with my ex or reflecting on lustful thoughts. My destiny is not worth a *body part*.

Yes, I am a single mother but not a charity case. As a mother of a smart little boy, it’s my mission to raise a godly and successful man. Sometimes as women we are given the impression that we cannot raise a boy on our own. It’s like a pass given to us to seek a man just to have in the home so he can be an example to your son(s). The problem with that theory is where’s the wedding ring? There is proof of great men raised by single mothers so I disagree with that theory. Now the other part of my answer may sting but living with a man that you are not married to does not qualify that man to be a “real man”. Ladies, I am only speaking this truth in love. (Check out 1 Thess. 4:3-8 and read it carefully). Yes he pays the bills and plays with your kids but he can have your body anytime he wants with no commitment. You are wife material not a bed buddy. I want to be able to show my son what a real man is. I want him to see a man that honors God and attends church not spending the night at my apartment. I want him to be able to see a man that treats his momma with respect not kissing and feeling all over her. I want my son to see me walk down the aisle and see this man put a ring on my finger. As single mothers, we must carry ourselves in a way that our sons and daughters know how a woman suppose to act. I understand where some of you ladies are coming from because money is short and kids are getting on your nerves. Do not act like someone’s wife before saying “I do” because you are worth more than that. Of course, this was once a temptation for me before I got pregnant to allow my boyfriend to move in with me. Down the road, I knew I couldn’t raise my son with godly principles and live like the devil at the same time. Single mothers we have to cast down the devil’s lies about us. God has taken very great care of me and my son since I broke it off with my ex. Yes, my son’s father is still in his life but I do not have to date him in order for that to happen. Even if your children’s father is not around, God can and will provide for you. If God thinks the world of you no matter what you done, then think something about yourself as well. You are worth the ring not someone to split the rent with.

Marriage is more than a title and a diamond ring…Don’t pressure me. One of my biggest issues with being single is receiving these crazy questions about marriage. “When are you going to get married?” “Why you didn’t marry your ex?” “Did you find somebody yet?” and blah, blah, blah. Hey marriage is not a game or something to do but a new journey in life that should be taken with caution, people! It seems like its more pressure to get married than being single. My desire is that we learn to help, encourage, and walk with people during their singleness. I understand that the voice of loneliness will creep in sometimes and have you wondering if you’re getting too old or remind you of all the things you cannot do without a husband but God does not run on time. When it comes to dating, I do not believe in just dating any random person. If you desire to be married like me, purposefully think about the type of man you want to be with and this goes beyond the physical features. Sometimes we allow the pressure of marriage to blind us from the true motives of a man. We will look past him not being saved, his random cheating, lying, and even abuse just to walk around with a ring on our finger to satisfy family members, a church mother, etc. Do not be pressured to marry but wait on God. As for the loneliness, start exploring your gifts. I found as a writer that it takes a lot of my time,(hey took a while to write this blog today lol), but I want to busy myself so I will not fall in the pit of despair and loneliness. There are other projects I want to jump into as well. I want my husband to find me pursuing my calling, enjoying my life, and focusing on my career because I want to be seen as a wife not a sad sista!