Fear/Break Loose/

I hope you are doing wonderful on this Tuesday night! Currently, I am working on my second book so this is more like a “gut wrenching” post for me because I’m writing about an area in my life that I struggled hard in…….relationships. I won’t share everything in this post but want to share a few thoughts on the topic of love. The issue I mainly had in the past was putting my relationship before God. Instead of resting in God, I put my trust, validation, and heart in another man. Dealing with low self esteem and depression, I never saw myself as this confident woman until I was with someone. Even during that period of dating, I was deceiving myself because lust was the center of everything. So why did I not trust God back then for the “right one” or even believe that God loves me? It’s easy to say God loves me but hard to embrace it. Is it really possible that God loves all my imperfections and cheers for me at the same time to keep moving forward? Is it really real that God doesn’t want to control me like a robot or beat me to the ground every time I do something wrong? As humans, sometimes we have a hard time believing there is a supernatural, God out there especially a God that loves us. Instead of seeking Him, we choose to fill our empty voids with relationships that go nowhere, lustful agendas, the random sex escapades, or with a girlfriend/boyfriend that we cling to day and night and treat he/she like a god. When we don’t have the love of God or fully embrace it, we ignore our worth and instead hunger for validation from our current boo. When I was dating, my main concern was making sure that my man was happy even it meant having sex when he wants it or enduring the criticism he gave for what I didn’t do like other girls. It didn’t matter that my self esteem was taking a blow because of my terrible choices and really didn’t care what people had to say about my relationship. My mind was mainly focused on having a boyfriend.

Right now, I’m following this sermon series, Unbothered, by Dr. Matthew Stevenson on YouTube. On this past Sunday, he talked about God’s Love and honestly I lacked that. I have been saved for almost five years now and still haven’t fully embrace the love of God. For a long time, I thought I had to perform well or be completely perfect in order for God to bless me or even like me. That is nothing but lies from the enemy to keep me depending on everything but God. Imagine this, what if we meditate on how much God love us on a daily basis? Will we still be in a relationship with a no good fella or chase after a sleazy chick to not feel alone? Would we actually be satisfied being single until our God given mate come our way? Would we carry ourselves different or refuse to live with someone year after year whom has no intention of marrying you? God’s Love covers our brokenness and gives us strength to live by grace. We don’t have to feel like nothing or compete to get His attention. To me, it’s nonsense to fight over a man or be someone’s side piece. I urge you and me as well to go on this journey to learn how to embrace God’s love and not make our dating pursuits first priority in our lives. Even if you were rejected or abused before, don’t fall for the lie to hook up with someone that only makes you feel good because of what you endured in the past. You need more than good feelings but a “destiny” connection.

Finally, I’m not saying that being in a relationship is wrong because I desire to be married some day but want to approach dating God’s way. Before you get a “Bae”, make sure the love of God has first place. When you abide in God’s Love, you will not date just anyone ;).

Goodnight, peeps!