Fear/Break Loose/

On this Sunday morning, I wanted to express my heart for a few minutes,(or longer lol), and provide some encouragement hopefully in some way. I was supposed to have written this post last week but homework, work, son’s online schooling…..you get my drift. Last week, I was pondering on things that have happened in my life. As you can see in the collage above, I arranged a few pictures to highlight some of my memories. You notice that added the picture of me when I was pregnant with my son and no I was not married. I should be ashamed to show that picture but why should I? That event gave me my wonderful son and birthed a certain type of strength within me to move on from the mistake I made. Even my high school graduation picture tells a story more than a celebration moment but a story of escaping the memories of low self-esteem, ridicule from classmates, and the struggle of fitting in or just simply being myself. All of those events are part of my journey but I noticed that I still needed healing.

Regardless of who you are, there will be a point in your life that you will need healing from something. We live in a world where people tend to hide their wounds and only show the good parts of their lives not knowing that the bad parts gives leeway to the good. For example, you failed a test in one of your classes but what did you do to prepare for the next test? You studied harder because that last failure gave you the motivation to strive for better. Now what if you did not learn from that moment but instead replay that same failure over in your head. Instead of improving your study habits, you get discouraged on every assignment and stop putting forth any effort. Now, you are faced with the possibility of failing the entire class not because you are not intelligent but you chose not to deal with that moment of failing that one test. That is what it looks like when healing has not taken place in a certain area of your life.

Healing is not a race or anything to despise. There are certain indicators that will come up in our lives that will let us know that we need to heal from a past or current event. For the last of couple of weeks, I have been thinking about what I need to do to heal from things that have happened in my life. As I mentioned before, I had my son out of a wedlock and currently a single mother because his father and I are not together. Although I feel that I’m doing well in sustaining my son and I in a one parent household, I still feel the shame and the loneliness surrounding that event. I need to heal. Although I have been out of high school and college for almost over ten years now, I still found myself going back to that mindset of a teenage girl in how I interact with people because of the insecurities that was formed during those times. I need to heal. When it comes to opening up about my past hurts and disappointments, I feel that I’m expected to just “get over it” but that mentality has always brought me back face to face with the same issues and temptations. There is a difference between “getting over something” and actually “dealing with that situation”. Do not get me wrong because there are some people that move on quicker from situations than others but that does not dictate the time you need to process your situation and heal from it. So I want to share three thoughts that I pondered on when it came to writing this post.

Do not be ashamed of your journey. I struggled with revealing my truth because I did not want my feelings to be dismissed about the things I have experienced or be looked down by others but that same truth is setting me up for what I’m called to do…..to help men and women come out of what they are in. It is sometimes hard to realize that God knows my entire story from every mistake to every victory. He knew I was going to be talked about a lot growing up, become a single mother, and make more mistakes after that but yet He still called me to do great things for Him. The bottom line is that this is my story and your story is your story. My story is not to shame me but reveal who God created me to be. Do not be ashamed of what you have done in your past or present because your story is going to be used to change someone else’s life….if you allow it, (that may be a topic for a blog post in the future).

Do not rush the process. This is my thought and feel free to form your own opinion. I never understood why people feel the need to put a deadline on someone else’s healing. “You should be over that by now” or “Why you haven’t moved on yet?” are statements that bother me to a certain extent. Now, I do not think we should spend whole decades lamenting over things but at the same time, I believe that “stuck feeling” is the result of not tackling a past hurt head on. For me, that looks like expressing what happened without the fear of hurting someone else’s feelings,(maybe the perpetrator), or being ostracized. If I have never walked through what that person walked through, then I cannot not tell them how to get past something. Some wounds hurt deeper and some people feel like they cannot express themselves because of how they were taught growing up. Rushing does not give you the chance to process or even appreciate the progress made. Even the Bible tells us there is time to weep and a time to laugh but we cannot skip the “weeping” moment and fast forward to the “laughing” moment. The “weeping” allows us to release the frustration so we can make room for the healing as we walk into our “laughing” moment.

Do not despise the tools used to help you heal. This blog is a tool that I believe that is going to help me heal in certain areas in my life. Even if no one reads my posts or maybe a handful only reads them, the purpose was to help me release pain and embrace healing. Also, I do want to help people along the way with my journey as well because I get joy and encouragement in seeing someone being set free from an addiction, their past, etc. You may just see it as just writing but writing has continued to play a significant role in my life. Do not look over the things that can be used to help you in your journey. Therapy is another tool that some do not believe in. In the past, I thought therapy was for crazy people, (hey do not shoot me for saying that), but now I believe that everyone needs someone to help them navigate through certain experiences in their lives. Some things you cannot talk about with family and friends but need an honest unbiased set of eyes to look at your experience. This is something I am strongly considering for myself because I can be a closed book at times and not reveal my story. I am coming to a point in my life that I want to move forward and operate as a better version of myself. It is important to seek out the help I need to open up and receive counsel in moving on from certain mindsets and experiences that are trying to hold me back. I grew up in church and therapy was not something I perceive as positive because as a church member, you either go to your pastor or just “pray about it”. There is nothing wrong with prayer, (we absolutely need it), or going to seek counsel from a wise pastor but I do believe that the Holy Spirit is a counselor and can work through therapists as well. For others, it can be just getting out the house so depression won’t consume you, (I’m raising my hand on that one!). Exercise keeps your body moving which can signal to your mind as “forward movement”, which can signify you going forward in your life not sitting still at home all day doing nothing but passing the time by, ( and that also may signify that you are stuck somewhere in your life). If you are truly seeking healing, do whatever it takes. If it is journaling, write everyday. If it is therapy, be open and honest in every session and utilize the information given.

Also I do want to add that having a devotion life is necessary. I can’t leave God out of this because He gives us freedom and sheds light on why we had to go through certain things in our lives. Now I can confess that my devotion time has been non-existent for some months now but that does not mean I cannot start back on the right foot. I desire to have an open and honest relationship with God and not a “religious” one. God has given me the gift of writing as a tool to help me in my own personal life as well as others so why not get to know the Man behind the tools He has blessed me with. What I’m trying to say? Go after your healing and do not let no one shame you for seeking therapy, getting your life together, or even trying to have a relationship with God. Just like your journey is tailor-made, God tailor-made certain tools to get you from a place of brokenness to a place of healing.

Life is beautiful because we are all granted our own individual path to walk but we cannot be discouraged because it does not look like someone else’s. No matter where you are in life, respect your journey. Celebrate every victory, even if it’s a small win, and be persistent in learning from every mistake because it yields growth. Everything that happened in your life has a purpose so do not despise what have happened but look forward to where those experiences will take you. Take one day at a time and walk, not run, through the process.

Feel free to comment as always! What are your thoughts? What are you doing to become the best version of you? Hope you are enjoying your Sunday and can’t wait to chat!