Fear/Break Loose/

Do I want better?

Just a simple question but can leave you wondering for hours…

Wondering if you truly want better in life? Better job, better relationships, better “YOU”…But when I think of better, I think of the next level. Where do I see myself financially in the next five years? Will I find my mate? Will I ever move past my insecurities? These are questions that run through my head because lately I have been desiring for better in my life. Before this year started, I declared in my heart that this decade was going to be one of the best decades in my life. I did not want to continue dealing with old habits, and going through life feeling numb with no fulfillment. I needed and craved change. So these are my thoughts tonight and wanted to share with you a few of the things that I desire “better”.

Wealth. Being a single mother has opened my eyes to wealth-building because of how I struggled with my finances in supporting my son and I. It was hard dealing with call after call from debt collectors and being overly anxious to view my balance in my checking account each week. Those experiences placed a fear in me for years but now, I found the strength to do something about it. This year, I learned to budget, open my mind to investing in stocks, and opened a stock account for my son so he can have money saved up as well. My reasoning for wealth-building goes beyond bettering my situation but being able to build things for others. I do not believe you can change the world “broke”. You need access to wealth and I want to change the dynamic in my family so generations after me can prosper without ever experiencing debt or poverty. I want better in my finances so I can be able to do more.

Romance. This area has been silent for me. I haven’t dated in about eight years….hey do not judge me LOL but my reason was that I wanted to find the “perfect one”. Guess what? I am still looking!!! So it’s time for a different perspective, (…notice I did not mention a different strategy, app, or etc.) I looked at romance as finding the perfect man that will not hurt me ever in his entire life, love me unconditionally no matter what, and can basically do no wrong. But what am I asking for? A robot or a human? Now let me be clear. I do not want “struggle love” or settle for just anyone. I want a healthy relationship in which both “imperfect” people are striving to “perfect” their relationship by consistently growing individually and as a whole. It takes two not one for a relationship to prosper. Even looking at my own life, one of the things I desire in a mate now is for him to be open. I do not want my marriage to be like walking on eggshells but a safe zone for both of us to share our shortcomings and successes as well. That dismisses the “perfect” mentality and embrace what love is truly about. Of course, this goes even deeper for me but going to save that for another time.

ME. I’m ready to shed the past. Plain and simple. I wonder what is the next version of me looks like. How would she dress? How would she sound? Will she be confident? Honestly, I am just TIRED at this point not so much as physically, (even though I’m currently relocating at the moment) but on the inside. I’m getting tired of dealing with feelings of un-fulfillment and ready to blossom. Tired of the same issues and want to be victorious in the areas I struggle in. One of my prayers is that I want to be completely brought out of this “low self-esteem” state I found myself stuck in for years now. I allowed my insecurities to influence choices to dismantle the core of who I am and there is no life in that. I have to work on my confidence and learn to accept the value God placed on me. I want ME to be a Better ME. This blog was designed for openness. I never want to be the type of person that cannot openly share my life’s struggles and journey with people because I believe healing starts in transparency.

Feel free to comment and have a great night!