Fear/Break Loose/

Good day peeps! For today, this post is dedicated to all of my lovely ladies out there, (and men its okay if you want to check this post out….may help you understand our unique species somewhat better lol). With all kidding outside, I truly believe that all women should be nurtured in a positive way starting from birth. I believe that young girls should be affirmed by both of their parents so they can grow in a healthy way concerning their self-esteem and confidence. Now in reality, this is not so for some households. You have some girls growing up in toxic environments, dealing with fathers not being actively present, (and some mothers too), and not having the proper tools to engage in healthy relationships. For me, I was raised in a two parent household with godly parents but yet, I still had to deal with inner issues that led me to make some horrible choices in my life. Sometimes as women, we can reminisce so much about the dreams we had as little girls before our mistakes and forget that we still have the power to fulfill those dreams after the mistakes. We give up on relationships, may blame the system, and even interact with other women from a place of hurt because we have not dealt with our own inner issues. Of course, this may not apply to everyone but a good portion of us can raise our hand to this truth. For me, I know how it feels to have a broken heart from unmet life expectations. So allow me to share my heart for a small piece of your time as I tell you about the little girl and the grown woman inside of me.

I dreamed…

When I was a little girl, I had so many aspiring dreams. I dreamed of being in film and entertainment because I fell in love with the art of storytelling. My imagination was out of this world. (Yes, I am one of the people that had imaginary friends.) I was very creative and enjoyed creating new things out of paper, toys, and even cards from game board sets. To add to that, I had the dream of becoming a wife with children and raising them with a wonderful husband that cherished me fully. So I had the dream of growing up to be the woman that had it all…friends, family, a fulfilling career working in the media industry, lots of money and not just to live off of but to help others, and absolutely doing whatever I can to show God’s love and plan to people. I had a heart of gold growing up and wanted nothing more but to make an impact in this world.

But in reality…..

As a grown woman, I have experienced doubt in God and church, two unwed pregnancies, (one ended in a miscarriage), suicidal thoughts and a whole diary of personal issues. I think back to how happy, (and talkative😂), I was as a child. I was so full of life compared to my teenage and early adult years. Those years were full of deep rejection of myself, closing myself off from people, and wrestling with feelings of being unfulfilled. I learned that life is not always rainbows and cotton candy but is filled with obstacles birthed from my own choices and circumstances birthed from just living in this world. I define womanhood as a stage in life that a woman finally takes responsibility for her own life and hold herself accountable for the choices she make in this life. Yes, we all are considered grown when we reached a certain age but that does not mean we behave as the adults we are suppose to be. I am learning this lesson of womanhood right now because I can no longer soothe the little girl inside. All I can do right now is to take responsibility for the effect of the things I have done and the effect of wrongdoing done to me. I am accountable for how my life turns out to be. So the little girl in me can rest now because the grown woman in me is deciding to prosper in her life. That includes embracing healing from my past mistakes, cutting off ties with people that cannot go to the next level of success with me, and allowing God to become the head of my life again. I have to make “woman” decisions.

..God knew what He made

Even at this stage in life, I believe there is so much more to my life. I believe there are gifts inside of me that I have not discovered yet. I believe that I have not seen or heard all the things God planned for my life. What keeps me in awe is that God still has a great plan for me regardless of the missteps I take and the mishaps I caused. His plan for me is not changing but it is up to me to grab hold of it. Being a woman does not make me weak, being a black woman does not make me incompetent, and being a 32-year old, black woman does not make me insignificant and ignorant in life’s dealings. Here’s a thought. Maybe having those dreams as a little girl was more than nighttime wishes but seeds of hope and aspiration being planted inside of me. Those same dreams do not have to be fleeting but you and I can start today pursuing the kind of life we desire to live…..the life God planned for us. (Trust me…He blows our plans out the water….can’t never outdo Him. He wants the best for us like we do.)

So go back and tell that little girl inside…that she is going to be okay.

Good day 😊😊😊….