Fear/Break Loose/

First, I want to say a late Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there that may be reading today’s post. I am a mother of a wonderful eight year old son and found joy in my motherhood journey. So, this week started off pretty good for me. Today, I want to share my thoughts on forgiveness and letting go. I have to pause for this one because this is one area of my life where I struggle but at the same time knows this is where my freedom lies. I’m working toward freedom in various areas in my life right now. (This is what this entire blog is mainly about…. finding and experiencing freedom). I have come to a place where I really want to LIVE. For years, I have held in so much inside of me, (good and bad), that need to be released. So let us jump into this conversation as I express my feelings surrounding forgiveness and the struggle that sometimes comes with it.

Let me say this first: Forgiveness is necessary. Sometimes we treat it as an option but we really do need it in order to move entirely forward in our lives. Un-forgiveness feels like a roadblock that you cannot just ignore and walk around it but have to remove it out of your path. If we ignore it, then it sprouts its ugly head back up at another time. I define forgiveness as a release. Releasing the bitterness and toxicity from an offense is an act of liberation because you are no longer bound by what a person, (or yourself), have done to you. The process of forgiveness is where my stubbornness kicks in sometimes. I am the type of person that try to stay away from the drama and tend the business of my own life but I cannot get away from the situations that life brings me. Even as a single mother, I held a lot of resentment toward him because I felt that I received the “short end of the stick”. I had to suffer the consequences financially, emotionally, and my freedom was not my own anymore. That does not discount his experience and how he truly felt after the situation but I had a hard time seeing past the sudden circumstance I was encountering. I have dealt with people speaking negatively about me and not being able to explain myself. This is only a fraction of my life story but this all sums up to the choice that I have to let all of that go. Un-forgiveness has held me back. I understand when people feel like the ones that have wronged them are “getting away” but no one really is not. At one time or multiple times, we have been the offender and needed forgiveness. When we look at forgiveness, we have to understand that ALL need it. It never feels goods to be mistreated, hurt, ridiculed, or handled in a way that your feelings do not matter but those experiences do not have permission to rule your life.

On this past Sunday, I was out of town for Mother’s Day visiting my family’s church. As the speaker spoke about letting God out of this box, I knew that there were areas that I needed to allow God in. I cannot keep holding on to what this guy did to me or how that guy made me feel because I did not want to become bitter toward finding love again or marriage. I cannot keep putting my devotion life on hold and not allowing God into my life fully because I have to learn to get to know Him in order for my relationship with Him to flourish. Ultimately, I had to let myself go because I am holding myself back from being everything God wants me to be. Forgiveness is connected to faith. I have to believe that I am forgiven and that I can overcome any sting or effect from the offenses that came into my life. That is a process but it can be done. All of our days should not be filled with frustration, sadness, and condemnation but we should choose to live a life in freedom. Freedom to love again. Freedom to pursue dreams again. Freedom to connect with God. Freedom to start over and begin again. Life is a beautiful thing and I want to experience mine to the fullest. Condemnation is a gruesome trap because it is like putting heavy chains on yourself voluntarily. I am not perfect but I am made perfect in Christ. I have made mistakes and will make more in the future but that will not deter me off my path. Offenses will still come but I am choosing not to be offended. As I write this blog, it has become clearer and clearer to me that forgiveness is needed in my life, (and hopefully you see the same thing). No one can go back to the past and change the things that have happened but our future can be a lot better if we allow it to be. Forgive. Release. Move forward.

I wanted to share that piece of my heart with you all and give you something to think on tonight. Peace out!