Fear/Break Loose/

Happy Friday! Today, I want to have a small “heart to heart” chat. A few weeks ago, I talked about Chasing Ghosts, (check that blog post if you have not already), and how we can spend our lives chasing something that is dead….the Past. Undealt pain and trauma can lead to us making bad choices in the name of “following our heart”. The heart can be complicated at times. Our desires are stored there, and also pain can be hidden there as well. When it comes to breaking away from the past, we must not forget to clean out all the past “junk” from our hearts. The current stage of your heart determines the direction you handle life, especially when it comes to connecting with the right people. Most of us get into trouble in this area because we tend to sometimes repeat our past mishaps in our love lives. I confess that I have not been great at choosing the right guy. I wanted the bare minimum and never strived for better. Since rejection was in my heart, I ended up conversing with men that caused me to lower my standards and pretend to be someone I wasn’t just to be with them. Now, I have not been with a lot of men in my life: just one real relationship, and one situation-ship…(hey shame has no place here!). I do not need a lot of experiences to realize how fragile the heart is, because both encounters left my heart more broken than it was before. Of course, I had a couple of guys here and there that wanted to get at me but communication never last long between us because their motive was “the bedroom” not me.

One of the goals from my vision board is to seek healing from my past. That may not sound like a “normal” goal, but I decided that this year was going to be my year of Better. For me, that means breaking away from the hurt of choices I made in the past. I have to reprogram my mind and heart to follow God’s Word, instead of another man’s wishes of how a woman should be. We have to check our hearts to make sure we are not carrying old beliefs and thoughts from past situations. Not every lover in our lives are God-sent. There are some that come into our lives and deposit seeds of rejection, abandonment, and lust that causes us to act in ways that are not true to who we are. Here me out. I am not painting the person as the “Devil”, but the behaviors that they are exhibiting which is stemmed from wrong things inside their heart. To be honest, the same things probably happened to them by someone else, and they are just repeating the cycle. Now, we have a society filled with bad blood from bad hearts that are broken. Desiring a better relationship or marriage comes with setting our standards to a different level and re-focusing our vision. We have to see further than our past. Ladies, not every guy wants to sleep with you. There are some godly, masculine men out there seeking to connect with a woman like you. So, never feel bad about having standards. The same with my fellas, not every woman wants to take advantage of you. There are some godly, lovely ladies out waiting on a great man like you. So do not let past “bad” lovers hinder your forward movement. Also, do not allow bitterness, disappointment, or even doubt to make a home in you either.

Do not lead with a broken heart. Cry. Pray. Write. Seek therapy. Do what is necessary to not repeat the pattern. Please never mistake lust for love. Love does not take..it gives. Lust always take…but never gives. I am speaking that from experiences. I gave away most of myself for nothing, and all I have to show for it is empty spaces in my heart. Yes, I was the first to break things off but it did not prevent the pain I was going to feel. Although God has graced me as a single mother these last eight years, I am still praying for complete healing from my past so I can be prepared to meet my mate so my child can have the stability of a two-parent household and I can have a partner to do life with. Hurt is a real thing but healing is the right way to go. Let us drop the bad lovers so we can heal broken hearts.

As always feel free to comment! Enjoy the rest of your day, overcomers!