Let me jump right into this one. Rejection can be gruesome. It can destroy relationships, organizations, and entire generations if nothing is done about it. Now, some may be thinking that it is not that deep, but it is deep….deep within us. I am not saying that everyone is dealing with this type of issue right now, but want to provide some insight about how our life can show the level of love that we have for ourselves. If I have a low capacity of love for myself, then I have a low capacity of love for others as well. Hate seems like a bad word to say sometimes, because we do not have the proper perspective on it. When I look up the word “hate”, the definition that stood out to me was feel intense or passionate dislike. We easily become defensive about our right to stay depressed, bitter, or even complacent when something “better” wants to take root in our lives. Feelings of “undeserved” are really a mask for hate. When we intentionally do things to cause harm to ourselves and others, we are displaying acts of “hate”. We can purposefully sabotage ourselves due to our own negative thinking. No one had to do anything to us but we are deciding to punish ourselves. That shows up in the people we date, our social media, how we handle our gifts and talents, (giving in to laziness and procrastination….I’m guilty of this!), and the perspective we carry about the world in general.
Please do not mistake me for writing this post as me being “hard on you”, but I seek for us to stop being hard on ourselves. There is a difference between “conviction” and “condemnation”. Conviction leads to change, while condemnation leads to things staying the same. If the conversations I am having with myself is not leading to the right action, then I am fueling myself with “self-hatred”. It is a hard concept to grasp, but we need to recognize the root so we can produce the life we actually want to live. No one really wants to live in torment. No one wants to continue allowing doubt and fear to rule their life choices. I have dealt with this issue a good portion of my life, but now, I recognize that it is time to do something about it. This is an area for me, and many others, that freedom needs to break out. Sometimes we unknowingly realize that certain negative things come into our lives because of the negativity for ourselves that is beaming through us. We can think, speak, and meditate on the worst about ourselves, and we must change what we put out. This brought me to sharing three things on what that looks like.
I hated myself enough to be with people that were bad for me. I thought that I was unworthy to hang around certain people…..i.e. healthy, godly, and loving people. I looked at my mistakes and told myself that my standards cannot be high. I did not voice those words, but it showed up in my company. I chose to be with a guy that was wrong for me. I chose to not have friends that will challenge me. I chose to look at myself as a “sex object” rather than a woman with value. I chose the fear of loneliness over the quality of friendships and relationships. Due to insecurities, I did not acknowledge what I truly desired for myself. I went after things based on what I heard about me, but not what God already said about me before I landed on this Earth. He never said I was dumb, incapable, a whore, or any of those lies…….and you can receive that truth as well.
I hated myself enough to believe every negative word and thought. “You are ugly.” “You will be alone raising your son.” “You talk too much.” “No one really likes you.” The list can go on and on but that was the conversation I was having with myself. I took the words that were spoken over me and made them “truth” in my heart. Also, I added my own negative feelings on top of that and beat myself further in rejection. Sounds harsh…but this is what a lot of people do today. We do not discern the voices behind these thoughts and words. The day we decide to pull back the curtain is the day we accept the right to be free. Neither Shame, Guilt, Depression, Suicide, Abuse, Molestation, nor Rejection will be the voice of our life.
I hated myself enough to compare myself to everyone else. Each time I compared myself to someone else, I actually was deploying a “hate tactic” on who I was. I was telling myself, (and God as well), that I was a mistake. If I am not good enough, then God messed up. I did not say that out my mouth but my actions did. Regardless of what I have experienced in my past, I still have the choice to decide how it will effect me. I do not need someone else’s voice or talent. You do not need someone else’s status to get somewhere in life. I do not need someone else’s skin color to prosper. You do not need someone else’s spouse, car, house, money, etc. to feel great about yourself. God gave us everything that we needed when He created us. It is like learning how to use a new gadget. It is nothing wrong with the gadget itself, but we have to learn how to operate it the way it was created.
So what now……STOP THE HATE. The power to choose is very powerful. Make a decision about the type of person you want to be. Stop feeding yourself lies about who you are. Own up to the hurt you have from past situations, and face healing. Put down the excuses, and choose to take action. Choose to love. Love does not give up, (it does not run when fear shows up). Love does not rejoice in our wrong, (condemnation enjoys repeating our faults). Love is not selfish, (it does not participate in pity parties but takes action). It is genuine not fake.
As you go about your day, I pray that you make the “love” decision(s) for yourself, so you can flourish in this wonderful life that God granted you. There is no need to compare yourself to others. You do not have to submit yourself to relationships/friendships that are toxic, abusive, or have no real purpose in your life. You can love yourself enough to uproot the lies in your mind and heart, and replace them with the truth…..the truth God believes about you. He does not have the capacity to hate you, but to LOVE YOU. Good day, overcomers!
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