Fear/Break Loose/

So this is to an amazing Wednesday evening because the sun is shining bright, and I found some time to write while I have my music going in the background as motivation. As you see in the title, I am only going to express MY thoughts because I know that everyone may not feel the same way. Also, I do not want to see other singles resenting their life because they have not found love yet. (So hope this brightens your day!) We all have a life to live and cannot allow our society to put “unrealistic” pressures on us. So, let us jump into this topic!

I think around last month, (or maybe sometime before then), I started listening to this preacher, Myles Monroe, about singleness. (If you interested in listening to what he said, look him up on YouTube because it is worth the listen.) My perspective on singleness started to change as I start listening to him speaking on the definition of singleness according to how God designed it to be. I am not going to go deep into it in, but the one specific lesson that stood out to me was concerning the focus on who I was during my single season. Now, that may sound cliché, but it has truth to it. I have always felt the pressure of marriage especially when I became a single mother. Questions of “When are you going to get married?” and “You have not found no one yet” mixed in with statements like “Your son needs a father”, (which he has one but not living in my house), and “You do not need a man”, (even though being independent does not mean I do not want to get married), have gotten under my skin some because I felt misunderstood. I started to feel jealous when I see other couples with their kids in public, and I am out by myself with my son. My life started to open to this “cloud of darkness” due to the result of me not having a mate, (starting to feel silly after reading this back). Now, I am like……why should I be disturbed by the thought of singleness? Have I taken the time out to learn myself apart from someone else? Is my singleness being wasted? (Those are the questions that need to be pondered.)

Yes, I have a desire to be married and even have more children, but I cannot act so desperately for it. God already heard my prayer, and I must leave it there. But…………in the meantime, I must be honest about what I want out of my life. I believe a good majority of us do know what we want but have a hard time expressing to those around us about the things that we are concerned with now other than marriage. To be honest, we really do not have to explain ourselves. Not only do we have to know what we want, but we also must be confident enough to stand in that. So, what do I mean by that? In my 20’s and a little of the beginning in my 30’s, I struggled with what I wanted versus what everyone else wanted from me. I lowered my standards for men to appease them while my heart was taking a big hit. For some men, I did not always have the heart to tell them that I was not interested but telling myself to entertain them just to be honest. That is really wasting my time. I even forced myself to answer in a way that the people around me will be satisfied with my answer.(People pleasing is a beast!) At this very moment in my life, I desire to heal from my past, focus in on my gifting and explore new things, and take the time to really figure out who ShuCora is. I want my future husband to find me “living my life” not moping around.

One of the most precious things I cherish is my peace. I want peace in my life. I do not want to wrestle with my conscience over relationships I need to break or deal with the confusion of my disobedience. At this stage in my life, I feel peace not because of what I have but due to the good choices I made to invite that peace into my life. I really do not have time for the drama. I do not have time for men that just want to have a “good time” and have no clue about what it means to be a husband. Also, that means keeping myself in check as well. I cannot allow myself to live life based off my impulses and emotions that are rooted in the idea of a “biological clock”, (which I seen individuals way older than me get married and have a family……no worries here. Time is not a factor). Being single is not living life according to a timetable and I am not speaking against people that do that at all, but I am choosing not to. I understand my body, and my age as well as understanding what I need to do to take care of myself now so I can enjoy my season of marriage when it comes. I never liked the notion of “marriage” being advertised as the main goal in life when it is not. The main goal is for you to master You so when marriage comes then you will have something to add to YOU not for marriage to act as a “babysitter” to your desperation or neediness. I am not in a place of need, but only desire. (That was freeing to write 😊.)

As always feel free to comment and enjoy your the rest of your day winners!