Fear/Break Loose/

Happy Thursday! This post is for my lovely ladies and wanted to express my thoughts today concerning womanhood. I wrote a poem in January of last year that was titled “I Am A Woman”. In the poem, I was describing the moment of embracing womanhood by facing life with all of the good, bad, and ugliness that came with it. In other words, I was embracing the accountability and responsibility of being a woman not act as a little girl. For me, I do not define womanhood by my age, how many times I had sex, or even my money because true maturity does not equate to external things. It has more to do with the decisions I choose to make concerning my life. Although I wrote that poem last year, I was still making some decisions that were catering to the “little girl in me”. Now, I am realizing that I do not want to waste my 30’s and carry the same foolishness from my 20’s into this stage of my life. It is really a shame to be a 40-something or any age woman to still act as a little girl in “decision-making”. I am not ashamed to say that this year I finally accepted the need to do better in my life and with my life. So I wanted to share a few lessons about embracing womanhood. Regardless of who old you are or where you are currently in your life, there is always room for growth in your life, and it starts with your decision to GROW UP.

Close the doors that need to be shut. The past can really trip us up in our present moments. When I think of the phrase “Take care of your business”, I think of taking care of any issue, relationship, and anything that will be a hindrance to the future. I know there are women that are hurting, frustrated, and seeking justice for things that have happened to them in the past, but our pain cannot become the leader in our lives. We have to choose healing. We have to choose forgiveness. We cannot rely on a “feeling” to assure us that it is okay to seek out a healthy avenue to deal with our problems. The best statement I ever heard in a life group that I was attending is “Choices lead. Feelings follow.” The hardest decisions for me to make have always pertain to breaking off connections. Connections that were bringing me back to my past, and hindering forward movement in my life felt very detrimental to leave. I thought that I needed those individuals to function in life, but I never had peace with them. This not only applies to relationships but it can be a job, or a certain tradition that has proven to be toxic for your family to follow. It is okay to say goodbye to things that are not serving our potential or growth. If you close the door now, you can experience that serene peace later. That could mean a number of things like blocking, changing addresses, seeking outside help, or making the decision to go back to school so you can leave your job and find something new. I found that leaving my last job and relocating to a new state is granting me a space of peace, and I’m using this time away from those old things to get certain areas in my life, (emotionally, financially, and spiritually), back in order. For those who have a relationship with God, fasting and prayer is a route to freedom because we are given God the opportunity to work in our lives so we can close those doors permanently.

Be truthful. What is the point of lying? Children may lie about certain things so they will not get in trouble, but grown people should be able to tell the truth and face whatever comes with that regardless of the situation or person. Resentment comes from somewhere, and usually it is from things that are “unexpressed”. Boundaries that were never discussed, expectations that were never voiced, and even certain life decisions that were not properly communicated have the potential for resentment to grow in out hearts. Being a woman is not about making yourself loud and boisterous in order for others to hear you out. It is about learning to stand in your truth, whether I am struggling or succeeding. On a positive note, some of us have came a long way in our lives, and that is worth celebrating. I do get that some people will not like the fact that you are finally changing and maturing in different ways, but that should not stunt your progress. I believe that if people are stuck on “who you use to be”, then you need to leave them in the past. If they are stuck in the past, let them stay in the past, but you are moving forward. By being honest with people and God as well, we can be able to move past half of the things that have been ailing us from our childhood even up to where we are now. Yes, this is a journey. This is an everyday decision to mature into a woman that can be counted on, and teach other women how to maximize their lives as well.

Make the hard decisions. Maturity is about making the right decisions not based on faulty opinions or “the culture” but on truth. Lies cannot be the foundation of my choices. If a thing does not look right, I have to make the choice to move past it. I cannot dress up certain situations or people to appear as if they are healthy for my life, because that is really living in deception. Deception is one of the worst things that you can fall prey to. We can go about our entire lives believing lies until they eventually tear our life apart. As women, we sometimes know when things are off, and also know when we need to make a decision, but fail to make an exit. Womanhood is like a space that we are constantly examining our lives with a discerning eye, and making the necessary adjustments that will leave us in a consistent healthy and whole state not a broken one. As little girls, we could cry and whine over things that are usually resolved by a mother, father, or any caregiver, but as grown women, we take the initiative to face what is hurting and connect it to a real solution. Also as little girls, we imagine about the future we desire to have and play pretend, but as grown women, we take those imaginations and turn them into realistic goals that we can maintain.

Admitting that we need to grow in certain areas does not make us childish or weak, but it makes us real women that are taking real responsibility for who we are. Good day, Queens!