Fear/Break Loose/

I cannot believe this is happening to me. I grab my breath and reach for Nyla’s pink shirt on the car floor. Wiping my tears and nose, I look in the mirror to see if I appear “normal” before I face my children. The boys were sitting on the porch screaming and crying while Nyla was yelling “Daddy” as she continues to knock on the door. Corey was not her real father, but he was the closest to one for her. He fathered the boys though, but now I feel I may be losing another man in my life. Slowly open the car door to grab the children. As I walk toward the house, all I thought about was the many times I failed. Will I ever get it right? What would the people back home think of me? As I reach for Mason and Michael, Nyla pulls on my shirt crying.

“Mommy, Is Daddy, okay?” Nyla asks with tears in her eyes.

Holding back my own tears, I calmly respond, “He is just playing hide and seek. He is waiting for us to find him. He can be home or at work or at the grocery store.”

“But his car is here? Did he leave?” Nyla answers back.

“Maybe it is to trick us…So let’s go honey and find Daddy.” I walk my kids back to the car and glance over my shoulders to see Corey peeping through the curtains with a smirk on his face. He better pray to God that I do not pick up something and throw right through that stupid window. I reach down to pick up the two plastic bags left on the driveway and threw them in the trunk of my car. Quickly fasten the kids in their car seats and rush to turn on my car to drive away. As I’m driving to the “new” home, I check my phone to check if Corey responded to any of my twenty texts or ten calls made to him back to back. He is the type of man that will charm you in the beginning, and discard you when he is ready. Never experienced true love with him. At this point, I want to fall apart.

Finally made it to the destination. I drive into the lot and pull into an empty parking space. This is embarrassing.

“Kids, we are going to a big slumber party!” I hesitantly lied as Nyla cheers.

“So is Daddy hiding here?” Nyla eagerly asks.

“No, baby. We are taking a break and will look for him in the morning. But we will still have fun here because there will be lots of other kids with their moms too.” I slowly turn off the car and wipe my eyes. As I get out the car, I can see a couple of more women’s faces that are fill with sadness and tears as they too come to terms that their life has fallen apart. I go to unlock my trunk and a piece of paper fell out. I bend to pick it up and it was a picture of me at my high school graduation. On the back, my mother wrote: TO ONE OF THE MOST BRIGHTEST & “FUTURE” SUCCESSFUL WOMAN I KNOW….CONGRATS MOM. I am shock that I still had this because my life right now is the complete opposite. With my kids and two garbage bags, I walk toward the door to sign in. As I open the door, I am greeted by a tall, skinny girl with a big smile on her face.

“Hi. We still have some extra beds left so come in and get settle. This will be a safe place for you and your children.”

How did I end up here….See you tomorrow for Part 2.