Fear/Break Loose/

I woke up today thinking what lessons I have to share today. My 20s has disappeared and now my 30s are underway with so much to say about the time I did waste. For a majority of my life, I battled with low self-esteem, rejection and unworthiness. I oftentimes wondered if I connected with people based off my pain and issues? Did I befriended people that struggled just like me, but never felt challenged to overcome my inner battles when I was around them? Did I become comfortable with men that do not desire to accept all of what came with me….my spiritual background, my creativity, my standards? I did not quite grasp what womanhood really meant back then, but now I see that it is taking responsibility. So I am choosing to not repeat history…

In the past, I chose to spend years on receiving “less than” from men that were really broken like me. My heart cried out desperately for acceptance, and I settled for their insecurities. In the past, I chose not to seek out friendships that could have helped me elevate and showed me what real value means. I thought I did not deserve loyalty and love, but accepted whatever people threw at me. I felt comfortable in the box of loneliness while attracting the things and people that were less than who I am. I was not this party girl, sex-acholic, gossiper, or a “nobody” that some people wanted me to be, but I chose to be those things to please them not me. In the past, I piled on those stereotypes of what a woman should be and disregarded how God made me. I have been hurt and push aside because I thought my body was the key. I silence my own thoughts and feelings to make everyone comfortable around me……but today, I decide that my mouth will never stop speaking.

My silence has hurt me, because I was afraid to speak and be free. Now, I decide to allow my heart to breathe…and say the things I need to hear so I can break free from the excuses, mistreatment, and disappointments from people that never valued me. I choose to forgive them of everything and from my heart, I allow them to go free. Now I decide to allow my mind to be filtered….and empty out the self-hatred and rejecting thoughts and release the limitations I placed on me so I can allow my talents to flow freely and live abundantly. Now, I decide to allow my soul to heal….and stand in the freedom that was given to me so I can break free from the chains of the past and strive for the future waiting for me… I am worthy of love, friends, family, joy, peace, and everything God has for me…

I am free….no more chains holding me