Fear/Break Loose/

Trapped turned to worthlessness turned into a sense of no hope

Wondering when this box of confinement will shatter

As I walk out the door, my eyes are covered with misery

Cannot see a bright future nor feel the warmth of peace

My skin is made of misjudgment, lies, rumors

I try to cover them with cloths of pretend happiness, 

(But threads of insecurities are woven within the clothing)

With every step, weights of regrets are pounding on my legs

I wear temporary pleasures as shoes to walk in through life 

But they can never hold me up as I trip and fall

My face hits the puddle of water like me hitting reality

Stuck to the ground as I was too ashamed to look up

As people walk by asking to help me

I kept silent as I lay there like a lifeless body

Finally I forced myself up and stared at the puddle of water 

All I could see was a young woman pretending to enjoy life 

But hurting inside;

A young woman covering up her true feelings 

In order for no one to see the truth;

A young woman looking for genuine peace 

But chasing after chaos and trouble 

The image of myself I can’t stand to bear

So I got up and started to run back to my house of torment

I do not want to see anybody with that perfect smile on their face: They have no thought of worry or care in the world

But I ponder countless times why I cannot face the world?

As if something is grabbing me back from the truth of light

Tying me up with ropes of confusion so I will not know what to do

Does not allow me to make choices that will set me free 

But keep me trapped in the past and not reveal the real “me”

I just need a quiet place to escape this entrapment, 

(Even though it’s in my mind)

Rushing through my front door, I ran to the bathroom

I locked myself in and stared at the mirror

As tears of discouragement ran down my face

All I can remember is a cheerful young girl 

Whose concern was to brighten the faces that surround her

It is hard to acknowledge that I let my issues overtake my life

All I can see were Depression, 

Worries

False depictions of myself

Shame​

Guilt

Isolation…..

Voices of self-pity and doubt started to overwhelm my mind

“You can’t make it”

“No one cares about you”

“You already messed up so bad so give up”

Covered my ears to block out the voices in my head

Seems like a never-ending battle

Suddenly a small still voice broke the confusion and whispered…….

“FOR I DID NOT GIVE YOU THE SPIRIT OF FEAR; BUT OF POWER, AND OF LOVE, AND OF A SOUND MIND.”

Those powerful words started to breathe life into me

Finally I lift my head and open my eyes 

I saw the chains that had imprisoned me were about to be broken

Through all the misery and turmoil, I had myself chained with Fear

That same Fear that replaced my joy with sadness

That same Fear that turned my mistakes into guilt and shame

That same Fear that I thought was something big in my eyes 

But shown to be nothing in God’s eyes

So why stay lifeless and stricken with fear 

When God gave me joy, peace, and life

Why stay bound with this when I can be free

…..TIME TO BREAK LOOSE

I wiped my eyes of misery and start to behold my true beauty

I tore my clothes made of discouragement and regrets off of me

And dressed myself in clothes of peace and contentment

I untied the heavy weights of my regrets and bad choices

No longer open the door to worldly pleasures that will harm me

But happily decide to walk into my successful destiny

Negativity was embedded in my skin but fell off like muddy dirt 

As the refreshing word cleansed me of every lie I received 

Finally, I left that house of solitude 

With confidence, I embraced this world

Tears of joy, happiness discovered, new life is approaching

Never again will I let fear overtake me 

When God gave me the power to break loose.

-ShuCora Walker, ©2020

Starting this blog four years ago and putting my thoughts out there into the world are both moves that I made to go beyond my fear of opinions. Do opinions matter to me in some way? Yes, only to an extent but it will not stop me from writing. When we start something new, we must first make up in our minds that we will not allow our fears to overtake us. Sometimes you just have to take the risk in order to get your life back. Good day peeps!