Fear/Break Loose/

First, let me emphasize this one thing. If you keep following me, you are going to find nothing but real authenticity. I aim to be open about what I believe and my life experiences. Yes, I understand that not everyone is going to agree with this post or may have something negative to say, but all I want to do is share the reasons why I do the things I do. Sometimes, people need a different perspective in order to see certain topics the right way. So, let’s jump into this!

This week, I wanted to focus on singleness. This started from reading my poem, “In Waiting”, (will be posting tomorrow!) from my poetry book. This poem was my expression of how I felt as a single woman and navigating this season of my life. I am not the type of girl that live “in a fairytale”. I have made mistakes, but I also learned that I can overcome my sexual past. To be clear, I only had two sexual relationships in my entire life, so not really was the type of girl to be out there with every single guy I saw. At the same time, I felt I was on that path to be that type of girl because of the brokenness I was feeling from the rejection I experienced earlier in my life. My body use to be the way I communicate “I love you”, but lust was honestly the driving force behind that. When I think back over those situations, there was no value or respect there. The brutal truth is that “love was definitely absent”, because nothing about those experiences resemble the love God spoke about in His Word. So, I had to understand that love is not forceful or impatient. It waits.

Why am I choosing to wait until marriage now? I want God’s best. It is simply that. I had my time of “settling” and now I desire to step into my season of “inheritance”. That means receiving all that God has for me. I refuse to live a life less than what God truly destined for me. Disobedience is a hard thing to cope with. It robs you of time and blessings that you were supposed to have at certain moments in your life, but I am grateful to God that He can redeem the time I lost. I am looking for a life partner not a bed buddy. (I wrote a post with that specific title four years ago, so please find time to go read that! It’s worth it!) I want to do life with someone not just have a person in my life just to say that “I am married”. Sex is a gift from God, and I believe the best sex is with the one that fits you in a marriage. There is nothing like finding God’s fit for you, because it makes life so much easier to bear. What makes it even better is the peace that comes with knowing that you are with the right person, (on both ends not just one person and not the other……..It’s not fair for me to be your “total package” when you are not mine…..#facts #standards)

Peace is a wonderful gift to have. I do not have to worry about sneaking around or dealing with a heavy conscious concerning the wrong things I was doing. I am at peace now. I do not regret cutting off those relationships, because I refuse to play the role of “a wife” without being the “wife”. I do not regret refusing certain dudes who were trying to get at me, because I was not trying to become a single mother again. I had to wake up and realize that I was a different type of woman. I desire the godly marriage and the beautiful family but cannot settle for a counterfeit of that. Waiting is what I decided to do. No, I am not ashamed about it because I am finally at a place where I am enjoying real peace.

As always feel free to comment and share your thoughts! Until next time, stay cool out peeps!