I truly thank God for the gift of writing and I can’t say that enough. It is a blessing to be able to have this space of freedom for my thoughts to flow out. The more I write, the more I learn about who I am. I am learning that I am more bold than I appear to be and that I truly treasure authenticity. No, I am not the best writer in the world but I am becoming comfortable in my own writing style. My writing style is focused on truth because that’s the life I want to live.
To be is to become. To be a person of truth is to live a life of truth. I got to the point in my life where I do not see the need for anyone, including myself, to lie. Yes, I am aware of those that believe that it’s okay to lie sometimes in order to protect the other person but the truth is that you are only protecting yourself not them. I want to be beautiful on the inside and out not just put on a show for the world to see. In order to accomplish that, I need to embrace the changes that I need to make on the inside. It doesn’t have to be a tumultuous situation but a beautiful journey.
I have been hard on myself for a number of years because I was focused on doing instead of being. I felt I had to work my way into forgiveness with God, people, and myself included. I felt that I had to prove to people that I have changed or that I am a great mother regardless if I was raising my son in a single parent household. A lot of that people pleasing stemmed from inner wounds that I needed to address. As I am writing this with tears in my eyes, I don’t have to play this role of a strong woman because I have someone strong holding me up.
Whether or not you believe in God, you can agree that we can’t do life alone. We need help. So my prayer for tonight (and this year) is for God to strip me down on the inside and get rid of the inner “ugliness” so He can rebuild me back up to this beautiful creation inwardly as I continue to express this wonderful transformation outwardly. Sometimes we think we need to hold on to pain and past disappointments as a way to prove that we have been hurt but we end up sacrificing our peace, our time, and our joy. So I choose to take my life back, not just one area but every aspect of it.
Also thanks for taking out the time to read this very “real moment” in my life and as always, feel free to leave your thoughts and comments….Goodnight!
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