Fear/Break Loose/

“Page from my Heart….I hated living a lie. I never liked being the ‘other’ woman. He said we were just friends but the situation was not set up like that. How did I allow myself to stoop to this level? What was I thinking? Did I love him? Yes. I pretended that we were together in my head but my reality was that I was just another woman that he can use and throw away when he choose to….”

So I hope you all are having a great night and I’m back with some more convo! Tonight, let’s open up the can of worms on the subject of…sidechicks or the “friend with benefits”. Now this is not a space to judge, (because I was in that position before), and want to express my heart. Hopefully this can help some of us who were the “other woman” or involved in a situationship to process these things and also act as a warning to other ladies not to go down that path. (You are too good for that, Queen!)

Confession…..I have been a “sidechick”. Now, it mean seem easy to say but it was very hard to keep this part of my life quiet. I was hurting from this bad choice I made, and still have not processed it all the way. Am I proud of that? No ma’am. Have I decided to turn away from that? Absolutely! I would have never did this post if I was still in it…..that would have not been a great example to any woman reading this. (Not a fan of living two lives….that situation really tore my conscience up). So I wanted to ask three questions that I will answer truthfully and also give you something to think on. Let’s get into it.

Why did I settle? I wanted someone to show me attention. My previous relationship left me broken and thought I could get over it by allowing another man into my bedroom. I was not looking to get involved with a married man and in fact, I was totally against it. I remember rebuking another woman (in my head) about taking another woman’s husband, just to find myself in the same situation soon after. When this married man showed me some attention, I thought it was an opportunity that I could entertain but the joke soon came on me. The joke was that I was acting as a “wife” to someone that was already married. I was spending majority of my time talking to him and giving my body away to him like it was candy. He never said I was his girlfriend or even promised to leave his wife for me, but it was an exchange of sexual favors and nothing more. The attention I was seeking to cover up my brokenness only led to the exposure of that same brokenness.

What did I gain? This may have an obvious answer but it’s questions like these that lead some of us to turn away from this toxicity, (because that is what it is truly is). I felt the sting of pretending not to be so close in “public” when I knew what was going on “privately”. I was the secret. That brought me back to how I was conceived. I was born out of wedlock and not many knew my mom was pregnant with me until it was time. I felt that seed of rejection was planted early in me because of the shame and guilt surrounding unwed mothers and their children. That added to me being talked about a lot growing up so I deal with some deep rejection issues. I realize where infidelity connects rejection and insecurity because both people are trying to feel good about pain they have in their own individual life. So we only gain another thorn….you may not think it’s that deep now but it is. All of us have our reasons why we become “entangled” but we have to be willing to dig up the root.

Can I move on? The answer lies in the willingness to move on. It is very possible to recover from being the “other woman” but it takes work to uproot the lies and go through the process of healing. First, all contact must ceased. There is no point in being sorry if you are still communicating with another woman’s man. Block. Delete. Ignore. Sometimes putting a distance… (hey I live in a whole different state). These were things I had to do because I knew my flesh wanted to stay. If I would have stayed any longer, I honestly do not know where I would be right now. As women, we desire attention, love, and care. Sometimes we will sacrifice our own dignity and self worth to settle for a piece of a man just to feel a void in our hearts. I had two WHY’s for leaving that situation. The first Why was that I knew God was calling me to be a leader and I could not lead anyone while living in sin. I wanted to be authentic not fake. My second Why was that I still had a desire for marriage and wanted a husband that truly loved and honor me. I was not going to receive one if I was occupied by someone else. Yes I wasted time but glad that I had the strength to take my time back. (That truly was God to give me that courage to leave.)

It is a lot I can say about this topic but have to save some for another day. Once again, thanks for reading! Sometimes it can be hard to confess the truth about things you go through but after you release it, you are able to deal with it. Much love to you Queens, even if you think you are not one because of being the “other woman” but always remember God still forgives. Cut the cords and walk in a different direction so you can truly live your life. Feel free to comment and I’m here to chat if you need me to! Goodnight!