I thought we were friends.
I remember the first time we met. When I heard the words “You are ugly”, “You are not important”, and “I wish you were never born”, You rushed into my life. You told me that the people around me were the enemy. You made me comfortable being the outcast. You enable me to be a pitiful soul. Never smiling. Head held down. Not so pleasant speech. Accompanied with negative thoughts. Believed that no one really loved me for me. Loyalty is something you knew too well because you made sure to be present for all my life events. Showed up at my tenth birthday….I cried all day in my room. Showed up at my first day of high school….I hid in the bathroom every lunch period. Showed up after my heartbreak….I held a sharp knife in my hand pointing at myself. Can’t believe I almost stared death in the face.
I dreaded each day.
I dreaded the mornings because I will be around people. Anxious to know if they saw through me and even more afraid to admit that I was hurting. You didn’t mind my outbursts of anger or my pity fits. You found those things enjoyable. Did you enjoy the nights I cried? Every night wondering if I was good enough. Contemplating every minute to end it all or just die inside while walking in a live body. I could not stand the mirror, my face, my hands, or anything about me. Thought I was doing justice by ignoring people and showing them I didn’t need them but you took my life away from me. Late nights worrying…negative thoughts racing…I clung so hard to you. Thinking you will scare away my nightmares of let downs, heartbreaks, and painful memories…But instead you allowed me to invite them into my life through my bitterness, forgiveness, and resentment.
I use to be afraid of you.
Afraid of leaving you behind because I didn’t know what my life would be like? Will my life resemble a joyous person and how do I actually smile? The thought of trading my negative mindset for pure thinking is a little weird. Could I wake up each morning and quickly admire myself in the mirror? Is it possible to walk around with confidence and speak with boldness? This is the identity you fought so hard to keep me from seeing….a life of freedom. So I am through with the “what if’s” and the “poor me” statements and you can keep your lame tears. The issue is that I didn’t know who I was. So let me proudly introduce myself to you:
I AM wonderfully made in the image of the Ultimate Creator Himself
I AM a crafted masterpiece with every crook and flaw in my beautiful frame
I AM gifted with talents and filled with great dreams
I AM NOT the image of people’s opinions Nor do I allow my past to dictate me because I AM FORGIVEN
Didn’t you know that I AM also Royalty….oh yes my Father God is the King
So this is the END
That Person Who Is Fed Up…
September is known as National Suicide Month and the topic of suicide has always been close to my heart. One reason is that I know how it feels to down yourself and think that you don’t matter. The truth is that you matter so much that God had to create You. We allow rejection to feed us so many lies about ourselves that we start to find reasons why are own lives don’t matter. “Anonymous Letters” can represent you, me, or anyone that has dealt with identity issues or allowed fear, doubt, depression, suicidal thoughts etc. to keep them shut up inside. We allow these issues to talk to us so now it’s time to talk back to them. Jesus didn’t die for us so we can be slaves but to live FREE. Take your freedom back today and write a “goodbye” letter to Rejection.
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